Updated: Apr 7
This is so vulnerable (eww). But anyway, here's a poem I wrote recently!
I went to a poetry slam. And I kept thinking about you. A poet would be in the midst of performing and my mind would return to thoughts of you. Why am I thinking about you? You're not even here. The last time I saw you was December 4th 2018. I was 18. I'm 19 now. It's September. Do you realize it has almost been a year since you have seen, held your daughter in person? There's not enough time to talk about what you've done wrong because you've activated the endless, infinity of wrongdoing. Because you are not here now, you were not here yesterday or the day before or the day before or the day before or the day before. Each day, a wrong. Each moment you don't inquire about me, each moment you don't love me, show your love for me, a wrong. We don't have time to break into the space time continuum, dissect the cycle of sin and wrongdoing. But we have now. And right now, you are not here.
Do you know I have red hair now? I've been a redhead for almost four months. I've been on dates with two guys. One I really liked, but I had to leave home for school. The other is nice, but a little boring. Do you know I dress a bit differently now? I write every day. I practice- practico español todos los días. Do you know I've found my purpose? Or at least a piece of it? To create. Do you know there are days that go by and I don't think of you? Because I can't think of you. Because this one-sided conversation is not enough. Because I know I can grow on my own but I'm not sure that's the same as healing. Did you know that you altered, affected the way that I see men? Black men especially but all men really. Did you know...
Did you know I haven't sang in public in several years, and I miss it so much? Did you know it's been years since I've played in a soccer game? Well, actually I just played pick-up soccer a few weeks ago and it was incredibly liberating. Did you know when I look in the mirror too quickly sometimes I see your face instead of my own? Especially when my eyebrows aren't done, I see Mr. Dad. Did you know I end up talking about you a lot, by mistake. You just built my world, my early world and I can't shake off the pieces of my brain you built. In my mind, I'll sometimes think of you for a time, several moments. Thinking only of you. Everything about you. And you have no idea.
Had to get a little deep on you real quick. This was written a few days after the aforementioned poetry slam. I was inspired by the vocal style of spoken word poetry and I wrote this in a very stream of consciousness sort of way. I hope that doesn't take away from any clarity.
Thanks for reading!